Chronic pain dumper day

Well day 2 of this blog thing. Not feeling like I should I guess. I am feeling very down. All I want to do is stay in bed and eat food that is bad for me. I am on a diet to try and loose all this weight that the lovely med Neurontin has put on me. I am 4 foot 11 and I weigh 170 pounds. I have lost 5 so far but I just have so far to go.
I just feel so sad. I went to visit my grandmother's grave yesterday for Memorial day and also visited my living grandmother and just felt so low. I have been having crying jags since yesterday and it seems there will be no end in sight. I am just so tired of everything today. I wish I could be normal. Whatever that may be. Sorry to cut this short, but I am new at this and after fighting for my rights on Thursday and Friday trying to get money back from people who take advantage of people who are low income and/or disabled I am just tired. That story is for another day.
I just feel like crying all day. Todd is around so it will be hard. Normally I go to the gym in the morning but today I sent my husband off alone so I can have some down time without him. We also just found out that Todd's best friend's father passed away over the weekend and now we have a funeral to go to. I liked that man and I don't know if I can handle it feeling the way I do the last couple of days. Besides, none of my "fancy" clothes fit me now because I am so fat. What is wrong with me????? I haven't felt this way in so long. I feel so alone. My family has all but abandoned me. No one calls or comes by anymore because I usually say I don't have the energy to. So now no one comes by. The only friends I have are all online(http://brain.hastypastry.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=111) and thank goodness for them or else I don't know where I would be emotionally. I just can't type anymore now.
Thanks for reading.