Waxing on Chronic Pain

I am in so much pain I can't almost stand myself. My hips are killing me and my meds have not kicked in yet, so I thought I would write a little until they work.
Chronic pain is something that is so fleeting yet so close to people who have it. It is a wonder people don't understand it like acute pain. You know you stub your toe or a sprained ankle. Chronic is forever and chooses when to make an appearance. Only a few people who know me understand that when we make plans and I back out at the last minute that it is from pain. Only they know that I have a bedstand full of pill bottles for this and that. Only they know I spend my days watching TV or online because I can't do anything that people take for granted like washing dishes or cleaning the bathroom. To walk into my apartment would look like a tornado hit it or that we are big pigs. I just don't have the energy to do any of those "normal" things anymore. I wish I did, then I would be working again.
Another thing on my mind is those darn blood tests I talked about previously. They mean something but I don't know what to who. But I feel that something beyond what I have now is lurking in my body and causing me more pain than I should be feeling. Everyonce in while I wonder "Why me?" Why am I so darn special? Why can't I be "normal"?
The thing of it is, I tried normal and it put me here, in this disabled position where I can't work or do anything, it seems. The best thing I do is lay around. Is there an award for that? I would probably be up for it along with the many others I know who are in wheelchairs and use other walking devices. Sometimes I feel bad that others can't see what I feel, then maybe they would understand. An invisible illness is something that no one seems to grasp the idea of. I have heard all the old standards about their boo-boos and they walk it off, but that just makes me more frustrated. I want to be like that too. Walk it off. But I just can't seem to. Three years now I have been useless according to the world and sucking off the "system". I wish I didn't have to but I am lucky I have it to fall back on. Or else Todd and I would be in big financial trouble and on the streets.
Okay enough with the pity party....I am off to bed. I hope everyone has a better night than I have had.