Lance, I think I wore out your "LiveStrong" bracelet!

For a while now I have been wearing, just like everyone else it seems a Lance Armstrong "LiveStrong" bracelet. Now I wear it for different reasons than others did. It was my touchstone for when I had really bad pain days. All I had to do was rub the letters on the bracelet and I could take a deep breath and move on to the next. Well, it seems I wore it out. The inspiration has left it for me.(Is there warranties on inspiration?) Funny part was it left the day he won the Tour (yesterday). Part of me wants to email the website and send him an email I know he may never get saying exactly this.
Yesterday I had a very emotional day because of it. I have nothing to hold me strong anymore. I have no inspiration, no "rolemodel" to help me get through the next second, minute or day. I am so tired of fighting this illness, mostly alone. Suddenly there are no places for me to express myself, minus here. I go to a message board each day for people who are in Chronic Pain, but I feel that the issues I have are too big and would overwhelm the message board right now. I feel that it would even overwhelm here as well, but at least here I am writing for myself without regard if anyone is reading it or not. Personally I don't care if anyone is reading it (no offense to anyone who is), this place is for me. If it helps someone great, if not fine. Take what you want from what I have written and leave the rest. I enjoy when I get an email saying that what I have written has touched someone, but it is not necessary.
I feel at the moment I am a piece of wasted space, I can't do things. I can't hold up my end of the bargain. I feel that I have let people down. I let me down. The idea of "LiveStrong" meant something different to me than to others, now I feel that what I tried to embody in that phrase is a lie. I didn't try to "LiveStrong" I just tried to live and now realizing I didn't do it "strongly" makes me feel bad. I have had to take the bracelet off. I am not worthy of wearing it anymore. I won't throw it away, but it will go on my rearview mirror. I have no fight, no "strong" left anymore. Not now anyway. I have a Rheumy appointment today and I have to fight for more pain control. I have none at the moment. "Strong" has left the building.
Sorry Lance I am proud of you as we all are but I can't be "strong" for you anymore.