Left to my own devices

Well, Todd is off to his friend's house in CT this afternoon and won't be back until tomorrow. So I am very lonely. After last weekend's confrontation, I didn't have the heart to say he shouldn't go to see his friend. I know that he has every right to go and visit but the drive is over an hour and its not like he is down the street. Besides, I get nervous at night when he is not home. Hopefully I will have good pain and sleep control with my meds. I am going to need them big time.
Now I guess you are all wondering why I didn't go. Well, his friend isn't with his wife anymore and is going through a divorce, so I would be the girly third wheel holding back their manly fun. Besides they would want to go out and I am usually not feeling well enough to stay out all hours of the night. Never really was I guess.
Yup you guessed it I am having a "whoa is me" moment. I am sitting here watching Troy and with no one to talk to. So since I haven't written in my blog lately, I thought I would write my frustrations out here. Its better than getting into another spat with my husband.
I don't know what I want. I don't want to hog-tie my husband down but I don't want to be alone all the time either. Is there an in-between? I can't see one.
This is so stupid......I feel like I should know better than this. Why is this such a problem for me lately? I don't get it. I have a sink full of dishes with my name on it but I don't feel like doing them. Maybe tomorrow. ARGH! Why do I feel like this? I don't get it! I am smarter than this. Or I should be smarter than this.