The unspoken side of CP

Well most people don't talk about this subject so if you are offended I suggest you stop reading now. This post will be about SEX! Yes....sex!
Well, it all started on Friday when let's say I was in the "mood" and my husband wanted to watch the Red Sox game.....we live in Red Sox Nation you know! Well, the last time we actually did anything was months ago and he was drunk to the 9's . So part of me feels that he doesn't want me because I gained 40 pounds because of the medication I am on and the other because he doesn't find me attractive anymore and the only time he will is when he's been drinking. Either way it hurt me immencely.
Well, anyway, I went to bed crying again and he never noticed. Not until the next morning that is when I had a slight attitude with him because I was still hurt by what happened. He accused me of playing games, which hurt even more. Then he slammed the door as he left to do an errand.
Some time apart helped but he still feels I was out of line when we talked about it later. We always talk about it later and I feel the same way, hurt. Like it is my fault. Like I did something wrong.
I guess my body at 40 pounds heavier isn't as attractive as it was when I met him in 1998, but didn't our vows say for better or worse? He didn't explain his part, I guess he didn't feel he needed to. Men, could you help me out here? I know you read my posts and can post without my knowing your name.
He seems to have no problem with online pictures.....I have caught him in the middle (not sure if he knows that I know) while going to the bathroom quite a few times so the desire is there, but not with me. I guess that is what makes me so sad. He can pardon my words "get off" to online pictures but not with me. I unfortunately I have found the day after "evidence" when cleaning up the living room, where the computer is. It hurts me greatly and he keeps saying that it is his anti-depressants but I know now that is an excuse. So I know it is physically possible but I guess not with me.
Is it my weight? My illness? Just plain me?
I need some help from the gentlemen on this one. Don't be afraid of offending me, I need the truth eventhough it may sting a little.
Thanks guys.